Step 65: Don't be Afraid to let Things go--for the Time Being, Anways.

It's very hard to stop working on something that you've spent the past year of your life on, even when you think it might be time to move on.

As most of you know, I've been working on a young adult novel since I graduated college (well, minus those first few months were all I did was sleep and not unpack all of my crap), and it has been one of the most enlightening experiences I've ever had. I've scribbled down a rough draft and notes that I can barely decipher, I've talked about it with both published and aspiring writers and received valuable input from them, I've gotten through writers blocks with the help of friends and family, and after about 4 months I proved to myself that I could write a, for the most part, complete novel (just ignore that Chapter 11 is only three paragraphs long and the ending is almost literally a cliff hanger).

After I finished my rough draft, I had to do some major revamping, and while I was initially enjoying the extreme editing process, the deeper I dove into the story, the more I started to feel like it wasn't a unique story that would capture people's attention in the way that I wanted it to. Again as most of you know, this story is highly influenced by the How to Train Your Dragon series. As I've been tweaking and re-writing, what originally felt like my own work inspired by and honoring Cressida Cowell's and DreamWork's stories now seems like fan-fiction. Of course, I had my own twists and turns and a completely different writing style, but the similarities between my story and HTTYD just glared out at me. I tried to make changes, but when you've become so invested in your characters and their lives, it's hard to completely re-write them.

It's been tough these past few months--it's felt like a chore to sit down and work on my story. I know sometimes it's supposed to feel like that. There were times when I was writing the first draft where I felt like that (dang you, Chapter 11!). I know it could have just felt like that because I've had so many other exciting, new things going on recently. But for the past couple weeks there's been something more nagging me in the back of my mind.

I love this story, and I want to do right by it. I think it has the potential to be something great. But I don't think I have the experience to do that at this point in my life. It is so, so hard for me to do this--it's taken me two hours just to get my thoughts all in order and convince myself that it's the right thing to do, and I've been crying damn near the whole time. I'm so afraid that I'm going to come across as a failure or a quitter--so afraid that I'll actually become a failure and a quitter and never get this story or any others published.

But I've got to try to not worry so much about the future. I write because I like making up stories, and I want to share those stories so that others can enjoy them as much as I do. If I'm not enjoying writing a story, how can anyone else enjoy reading it? So with that in mind, I've decided to put my first young adult novel aside for a while. I hope to one day go back to it and make it into the page-turner that I know it can be, but for right now I'm going to leave it alone.

Don't think this means I won't be writing anymore! National Novel Writing Month is 27 days away! Time to decide what my next novel's going to be about!

So my question to you: What should I write about next?! I've got loads of ideas that have been sitting on the back burner--I've got a couple different ones about dragons (no, I'm not obsessed). One about cyborgs (I'm sort of leaning towards this one). Another about angels (look out, Lauren get's religious :P). I've even got one about vampires (haha, who am I kidding--if my first novel was too fan-fiction-y, there's no way in hell this one wouldn't be fan fiction even if I came up with the idea WAY BEFORE STEPHANIE MYER THAT BITCH).

And my challenge to you: Don't be afraid to let things go. You can always come back to them when you're at a better place in your life.

Step 64: It's Been a While Since I've Been to a Wedding

In the past two years since my graduation, I have been invited to and attended more weddings than should be legal in such a short time span (I've even got ANOTHER wedding tomorrow). All the weddings I've been to so far have been for younger couples--people who are entranced by their first true loves and are doefully optimistic about their futures. A lot of the newly-weds were fresh out of college, ready to start their lives.

But my cousin's wedding last Friday night was one for the more mature audience. Starting the second half of her life, my cousin and her husband have had plenty of ups and downs, first and second and third true loves, and a wide variety of jobs and hobbies. They've had experience, and from that experience they know exactly what they want out of life. Out of a partner. Out of a wedding. And what they want is Josh Kaufman, last year's winner of The Voice!

Seriously, though, the groom's gift to his new wife was to show how much he loved her. I've seen equally as meaningful gestures from other newly weds and longtime partners, just on smaller scales. When you're young and just starting out your life, you've got to know that right now your signs of love may be small. Someday you might be in a stable enough position to make those grand gestures that you dream of doing now. Someday, you might not. The important thing is that your actions, no matter how big or small, show how you truly feel about the other person.

So my question to you: What's the sweetest thing your partner has ever done for you? It can be as big as booking your favorite artist for a private party or as small as breakfast in bed on your second month anniversary.

And my challenge to you: Do something every day to show your significant other just how much they mean to you.